Once he was dressed in a soft comfortable sweatshirt and sweatpants, he shuffled out into the hall and was instantly blessed with the smell of delicious food. His stomach tightened, and his throat gurgled. He smiled though, coming to Kimmy’s open doorway. She was in her Katt Basket room, in her glory really, laptop open playing some Korean soap opera, hair tied up on the top of her head, sitting on her stool and weaving. She knew she was being watched, swiveled her stool a quarter turn to look over her shoulder at him.
“I heard you in the shower,” she said. “How are you feeling?”
Her honest smile warmed him, instantly spritzing him like a garden hose and washing away all those nasty thoughts of her falling for Devlin Stone’s bullshit. His knees dipped with happiness, and he smiled. “Feeling so much better.”
“You hungry?”
“What the hell are you cooking? Is it bao?”
“I figured you’d be hungry, sleeping all day.”
“I’m so starving, Kimmy,” he said, laying a hand over his stomach.
“I waited for you, you’re lucky you got up because I was about at my end—I’m hungry too, you know. I might’ve eaten yours while you slept.”
He waited as she shut her studio down, and they walked to the kitchen together. From the warming oven, she withdrew a covered baking tray. He fell against the counter island that separated the living area from the kitchen, admiring her as she pulled back the tinfoil sheet. In the pan were four Gua Bao, or what Kimmy called Tiger Bites Pig because the steamed bread that wrapped the stewed beef looked like a mouth chomping down. Her grandma made them with pork, but he preferred his with stewed beef and so did Kimmy.
Two plates were served, and he popped the top on a plastic litre bottle of fizzy Coca-Cola for the sake of his hangover, and they ate together in front of the TV. When they were done, he collected their plates, washed them in the sink, wrapped up the remains and refrigerated them. It was 8:30 now, and he rejoined her on the couch, settling in next to her, hooking a leg behind her so she could rest her back against his stomach and chest. She fell against him and moaned. He said in her ear, “You’re the best.”
“Thank you,” she said.
“Did I embarrass you last night?”
“No. You were fine,” she said, stroking his hand. “Nobody could understand what you were saying, so you’re okay.”
“Good, my horrid racism is still a secret.”
“You keep fooling them, who would ever guess?”
“Score one for the bad guys,” he said.
She laughed and wriggled her body against his.
“Sorry, though, you know, that I got so drunk.”
“Don’t worry about it. It’s not like you have a problem.”
“It’s that frigging bourbon.”
“You weren’t the only one.”
“Who else?”
“Adam, and his brother . . . what’s his name—”
“Cody.”
“Yeah, the two of them drank a lot, too. They went skinny dipping in the water, like two in the morning.”
“Really? They didn’t have a heart attack?”
“Jacob was there, he’s a paramedic.”
“Nobody tried to stop them?”
“Everybody told them it wasn’t a good idea . . .”
“You watch them run into the water?” He wondered if they were naked and Kimmy saw.
“No, didn’t want to be party to their deaths.”
“That’s a good plan. Less days in court.”
Kimmy put up a hand for a high five and he gently palmed against her.
She asked, “What do you want to watch next?”
“Whatever you want,” he said, then: “Hey, Kimmy . . . ?”
“What?” she said, leaning forward to grab the remote.
“What was your fight with Devlin about?”
She paused, peeked over her shoulder at him. Her head went heavy to one side. She picked up the remote. “What do you think?”
“Politics,” he said as she lay back against him again.
She said, “He is such a fucking asshole.”
“Once an asshole always an asshole.”
“It’s so true,” she muttered, flicking through the menu on screen.
“His dad was an asshole too.”
“Never met the man,” she said, “but I’m not surprised.”
“That’s all it was about?”
She said, “Yeah—what else?”
“I don’t know—it seemed pretty serious.”
She seemed to stiffen a little but then softened. Her head tilted to rest against his shoulder, her temple touching the back side of the leather couch. She was quiet and serious when she spoke, saying, “It got heated. Wasn’t just that we were disagreeing, we didn’t handle it well. Things were said . . .”
“What did you say?”
“I’d rather not say.”
“Oh. You telling me you’re racist now too?”
“Shut up,” she said and elbowed him. She began flicking through channels.
“So that’s all it was?” he asked.
“Yeah. Look, I don’t know what to tell you . . .”
“Well, tell me the truth.”
She breathed against him, taking her time. “People are going to say crazy things, you know . . .”
“Yeah, no, I know . . . crazy how?”
“We fought a little.”
“Yeah, you said that.”
“No, I mean fought. Like with our hands . . .”
“Did you punch him?” he said, incredulous.
“No. But we were . . . we were really mad,” she said.
“Wait a second, did he put his hands on you?”
“Yeah, but—”
“That fucking . . . we should call the cops . . .”
“Not like that, come on, don’t . . . I just want this to be in the past already.”
“Did he hurt you?”
“No, he was . . . look, I don’t know,” she said, “we both got physical, grabbing each other. I wanted to . . . I wanted to scratch his eyes out, you know? I wanted to punch him. I wanted to—I’ve never been so mad.”
“That’s not like you.”
“I know. That’s why I just want to forget about it.”
“That’s all that happened?” he said, and he gripped the space between her shoulder and neck and gently massaged his thumb into her muscle. She tilted her head toward him, lay back against him.
“Can we just forget about it, Josh, please?”
“Yes, my pleasure,” he said. “So people saw you fight?”
“I said can we forget about it . . .”
“Sorry,” he said, “yes, we can forget about it . . .”
Despite sleeping all day, he managed to drift off while they watched television. When he woke, his neck had a kink in it and Kimmy was standing, stretching, pointing the remote at the TV and turning it off. She dropped it to the table, turned to face him. He blinked, rubbed his neck, sat up straighter. She watched him, a look of concern on her face, worrying a tooth over the corner of her bottom lip. The light from the kitchen gently bathed on her front side, the family room dark now. She was a slim and innocent figure, cotton shrouded, and she belonged to him. She rubbed one hand up and down the opposite forearm, then held it out for him. She said, “Can you come to bed with me?”
He nodded, took her hand. They passed through the kitchen, making it dark, made their way down the hall to the bedroom.
With her hands on his chest, she guided him back toward the bed and made him sit. She stood above him, the dark and cloudy night beyond the windows, full dark, just her silhouette traced by the streetlights’s pale amber glow. The room was deathly still, the soft sounds of her body moving against his loud in his ears. She put a knee on his thigh and cupped his neck, lowered her lips to his. He kissed her, closed his eyes and breathed her in. She was warm and loving. He held her waist and she got both knees now on either side of his thighs and sat in his lap. He stroked her body, going from her waist, up her back, and over her shoulders while they made out, moving slow, breathing deep. He sucked her tongue, bit her lip, let their kiss break apart so he could look in her eyes. He said, “You’re so eager tonight.”
She said nothing, but nodded. She kissed him again, and he held her, Kimmy beginning to sway her hips in his lap. He grew to full hardness, a frightening thought lurking in the dark, teasing him. Why’s she so horny? Sure, she didn’t cheat, she would never do that . . . But what got her so turned on? The way her husband got drunk and abandoned her at the party, embarrassed her, went unconscious in their tent? Did that get a girl super wet? No. Was it the way she had to drive home and he slept. Then he stumbled and lurched into bed and continued another eight hour do-nothing marathon? Was that Kimmy’s turn on? Was that the secret? . . .
That was not the secret.
Now he pushed his hardness against her, squeezing his ass muscles and hugging her, pushing down with his hands on her neck and shoulders to hold her in place so he could hump himself against her panties.
It was hard right now to ignore the story of Kimmy and Devlin at the party—the way she hated Devlin, and the way she fought with him . . . Hate wasn’t the opposite of love. Hate was akin. Hate was passion like love was passion. Kimmy hated Devlin. Their fight had riled her. Their fight had been a surrogate for fucking. His wife had her engines fired up all day waiting for the only man she was allowed to sleep with to be available, rested and healed. Well, he could do that. He wanted to do that.
Fuck, though, what if there was truth to what Devlin had told him . . . What if he’d said something like that to Devlin when he was drunk? No, Devlin was using it against him. Using it to hurt him. He had to stop letting that doubt creep inside him.
Kimmy went up higher on her knees, changing the lever of her fulcrum, her body weight resting against his and sending them both back onto the bed, mouths locked. She was over him, on top of him on knees and elbows kissing his mouth and kissing his neck while he caressed her body. He whispered, “I love you.”
“I love you so much, Josh,” she said in return, then kissed his lips again. Her hand went down, grabbed his hardness over his sweatpants. He presented it to her, proud to show her affect on him. She made a satisfied exhale, shifted her weight, began to push down his pants. His hands joined in, helping her, and they shimmied them down as she backed off the bed.
Now he watched her in the dim light, her cottony top off and away. She was beautiful, her lean but soft body undulating against the streetlights glow. She pushed her pants down, stepped out of them, climbed on top of him again and he lay back with her. They kissed, but Kimmy was still eager for sex. And now it was all he could focus on. No foreplay tonight. She didn’t want him to use her mouth, didn’t want his fingers . . . She wanted cock. They usually played around a little, but tonight, he worried, it was another man who had her hungry for sexual penetration. She fumbled with his dick, angled it, lowered herself, swiping his tip against her hot, luscious seams, finding her opening and easing backward. His eyes rolled up and back as he felt himself sink into her oily velvet interior. She made no sound. No moan, no gasp. Now he wondered what a woman said when a man with what Devlin had went inside her. His pulse thundered at the thought, stomach going watery at the notion that Kimmy had perhaps seen Devlin’s bulge, or heard the rumors. Of course she’d heard the rumors though—everyone knew he was hung. So, she got in a fight with a guy she hated, they grabbed at each other, she knew he was well endowed . . . She gets home . . . She wants it . . . Her husband doesn’t have it . . .
She pushed her hips toward his feet and got his erection fully inside her. “Oh Kimmy,” he sighed, rubbed the small of her back, then cupped her ass. But when all his forefront mind could think about was what Devlin had revealed to him in the tent, the wonderment of Kimmy taking something like that had worry wringing out his ecstasy. His brow grew troubled, and the more he hoped to maintain hardness, the more it escaped him. She worked up and down, and he tightened his ass muscles hoping that would flex his diminishing arousal. But it was too late now. Kimmy was reaching behind—and he imagined she was checking to see if he was in. If she fucked Devlin, she would know he was in. But why would he even think that or consider it? She hadn’t been with Devlin. Kimmy was never that kind of girl . . . “Sorry,” he whispered.
“It’s okay,” she said, starting to hump him again but now hardness had escaped him.
“Give me a second,” he said as she rose, put a hip down next to him and sat at his side. He went to pleasure himself but she beat him to it, her hand taking him in three fingers and a thumb, his thing wriggling around in her grip, slick from her excitement. Excitement he couldn’t measure up to. Shit, what the fuck?—now that was making him hard. He grew again, grew in her hand.
“There we are,” she said, “it’s okay, see . . .”
“I’m still recovering,” he told her, hoping that was it. Worrying it wasn’t.
“It’s okay,” she said, “take your time . . .”
“You want me on top?”
“What do you want?” he asked, and then tried to picture Devlin asking what Kimmy wanted. He squinted, grimaced.
“You okay?” she whispered.
“Fine,” he said, then: “I want to be on top.”
Kimmy whispered that was good and scooted up past him to put her head in the pillows, laying on her back in their bed. He got on his knees, still stroking himself. Kimmy lay on the bed, naked, perfect. Her knees together, she slunk her legs then lowered them and opened them. In the dim, he could see the black thatch of her love nest, that hot woman part of her, and tried to picture her this way, so beautiful and pure, through Devlin’s eyes. Devlin the predator, Kimmy the prey. Laying back naked, reluctant . . .
He got over his wife, kissed her again, put a hand between them and guided his hardness inside her. Again no sound from Kimmy, just breathing through her nose as their tongues wound together. Her forearms crossed the back of his neck, and he pushed himself in and out of her. “Love you so much,” he gasped around their kissing. She hummed an affirmative sound in her throat, but, again, now all he could think of was how a man like Devlin would drive Kimmy wild. The sounds she would make if Devlin was over top of her, going into her . . .
“It’s okay,” she whispered, and that was when he realized the hardness of his arousal had dwindled again. Not raging hard and not halfway, somewhere in between. If Devlin were at the three-quarters erect, Kimmy would know he was in, Kimmy would have something still to work with . . . Now what had dwindled, decreased further.
“It’s all right, Josh,” she said, guided him out of her, gripped the back of his neck and pumped her fist on his flopping penis until he was fully hard again.
“I’m ready,” he told her, but she whispered it was okay and kept her hand pumping up and down on him, stroking his neck, scratching her nails in the back of his hair and kissing him.
“It’s okay,” she said again then gave him her tongue.
Hot pleasure burned in the center of his mind, right at the forefront behind his third eye, all focus on the intense pleasure of her rapidly moving hand. They kissed and he listened to the slick patter of her jerking grip. “Josh,” she whispered, “I want you to come . . .”
“No,” he said, “I’m good, I can go . . .”
“I just want you to come,” she said again.
“Kimmy . . .”
“Tell me when you’re ready . . . promise . . .”
“Uh-huh,” he grunted, the pleasure high and intense enough his brain began making deals: it’s okay, come and then you can go down on her . . .
As the pressure built, he grunted more urgently: “Yeah, yeah, mm, I’m, mm, gonna . . .”
“Okay, inside, inside me,” she said, hushed and rushed and urgently whispering.
“What?—inside . . .”
“Put it inside,” she said, bucking her hips toward him.
He thumbed his erection downward, pushed inside Kimmy’s slick interior; he humped, fast and hard, mattress squeaking, but in ten seconds he was boiling over, pulsing a weak but pleasurable load inside her. He’d already gone once today, jerking off in bed when he woke, and his body had better things to do today than replace dumb sexual fluids—it was just trying to survive a wicked hangover.
He grunted and snorted, hooked arms behind her, grabbed her shoulders and bit the pillow, thrust deep and ejaculated inside his wife.
“That’s it,” she said calmly, “okay, I love you,” and stroked his back, teasing him, running her nails on his shoulder blades (which he loved).
When he was done, left panting, he withdrew, eased himself off of her, lay at her side searching for her hand. But Kimmy drew her knees up, grabbed her own shins, shoved a pillow under her butt. He knew the pose, they’d done this a lot last year when they were trying to conceive.
He stared at her and she watched him blankly, him waiting for her to explain herself. When she was quiet too long, he said, “We’re trying again?”
She cupped a palm to his cheek, saying, “I think I’m ready . . .”